WHAT THE F*CK, ABBY

Abby swears and I don’t really care. Yup, that’s fucking right, folks. I am not going to spend too much energy correcting her, so called, bad language. There is a balance, of course. Too much swearing sounds ugly even in my ears, but unless she turns into a trucker with a full grown beard or starts using swear words to intentionally hurt anyone, I am not going to give it much attention.

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As most children, Abby is a little parrot and, hey – I swear. Josh swears. Not a lot, but we do put a “fuck that” and “ohh, shit” in occasionally, so how are we supposed to be teaching her that swearing is a no-no? To be honest, I don’t think it hurts anyone when swearing is used occasionally.

Actually, newer research suggest that swearing can be a sign of a high IQ. I don’t make this shit up, you can read about it in this study and since we are also a bunch of night owls with messy desks, this family is a fucking smart hub – according to science.

Words like “fuck“, “shit“, “crap“, etc. might be perceived as negatively value-laden words, however, if you think about it, they actually don’t really hurt anyone on their own. In a way they are just empty words that some people have chosen to be offended by. Now, offending other people will never be something I will actively teach my children to do, but if someone gets offended by a bit of swearing – too bad, mate.

Another reason why we basically have chosen to ignore Abby’s swearing (even though it is very hard not to laugh sometimes), is us hoping that she won’t find it exciting or confronting and in that way keep her swearing at an innocent level. It has worked so far.

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However, my lenient attitude towards swearing is not a sign that I just don’t give a flying fuck about my children’s language and choice of words in general. It is more me choosing my battles – and putting an effort in to guide and correct in the places where I find it most necessary.

At the moment there is particularly one word, that Abby has started to use a lot, which we are very mindful of.

I might not find a lot of people who agree with me about this, but in my point of view, this word can potentially hurt all the way into adulthood. She has picked it up from pre-school and that actually makes me a bit uncomfortable.

The word is; “naughty“.

She calls everyone naughty, even herself. And I don’t like it.

The reason that I don’t like when she puts that label on others or get it put on herself is somehow long and complex, but in short it has something to do with self-image.

A person’s self-image gets build up or broken down by so many things – amongst that the words she gets labelled by. If a child gets told over and over again that she is naughty, she might begin to believe it. She might even begin to think of herself as “the naughty girl” and I believe that is quite problematic.

First of all, if she, like me, associates naughty with a rather negative personality feature, she might think of herself as being worth less than others or go further down that lane of thought. That in itself is very undesirable.

Second of all, it might lead to a correction of her attitude and personality to fit that self-image. Let me explain: If you truly believe that you are naughty – and that everyone around you think you are naughty – then you better act like a naughty girl, right? No reason to try to act like a “good girl” when everyone expect you to be naughty anyway. And we all know how extremely hard it is to break free of any personality box we have been put into – by ourself or others.

Therefore, we really, really try to avoid using words like “naughty” and teach Abby not to use them either.

In fact, any kind of label that you can put on children, which places them in a specific personality box, is undesirable in my point of view, even “good girl”.

A child is just a little human with a bunch of complex feelings and emotions and there should be room for all of them. Abby is a wild child sometimes, but she can also be very emotional, helpful and shy or cheeky and confrontational, maybe even naughty – and it is all okay.

It’s fucking okay to be a little, naughty, funny, crazy, annoying, cheeky, clever, lazy, good, wild, loving girl – and it is also okay for parents to be exhausted from hanging around all those different personalities. Can’t blame a mummy for swearing a bit. You fucking can’t.

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So, yeah…You will never hear me call my children “naughty” for swearing – instead I will try to be a good example and keep my swearing at an innocent level and have an extra drink on those days where they act like adorable, little maniacs and then sneak into their bedrooms when they are asleep like fucking, little angels. And I will probably keep laughing a little bit, when Abby says…

“What the fuck, it’s Friday!” 

It sure is…Happy weekend, everyone ❤

P.S. There might be put in some extra swear words here and there in this post. Might 😉

 

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Abby Makes Me So F***ing Proud

It’s probably not why you think, though.
Okay. Okay. Okay. I miiiiiiight get my proud mummy-face on every time she does something awesome, like hits the tennis ball perfectly with her little Wilson racket(it’s so ridiculously cool that thing) or ride her skateboard like a baby pro. Even when she climbs the mountain side at the beach without any fear what so ever. Ohh, and by the way she can also swim by herself now. No biggie.

She’s a little adventurer and is fairly advanced physically. Two things that I, admittedly, do cherish quite a lot. However, there is absolutely no doubt that I would love her just the same if she had had poor balance and couldn’t climb a fallen tree.

No, what REALLY makes me proud of our little girl is that she’s got the biggest and most caring heart and soul ever seen in such a tiny body. We have made a human being loaded with empathy. How rad is that?

Two of the last three weekends I’ve been ridiculously sick. You know, stomach bug sickness, of the kind where you lay on the bathroom floor at 3 a.m. thinking you most definitely is dying. Nothing is supposed to be that awful and painful and disgusting. One night I even had Josh call an ambulance, when I REALLY thought I was dying. My hole body was literally cramping. That’s what happens just before you die, right?!! Well, it turned out I had just been hyperventilating for too long, due to all the vomiting, and that, apparently, causes the body to cramp. So yeah, I survived. Twice.

The following days I was very weak and tired, and that’s when Abby stepped her empathy game right up. It’s nothing new that she does these things, but this time I really noticed it and appreciated it. I might even have shed an emotional tear in there in my sickbed, when she came in and did nothing but look at me and kiss my hand. Kisses make everything better.

Sadly, kisses aren’t enough to cure real sickness, so she also brought me cucumber and biscuits and plenty of water. I could even have some from her drink bottle if I liked. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. What makes it special is the look on her face in those situations. There is no doubt in the world, that it hurts her deep inside to witness someone else in pain. It makes her feel terrible and she will do anything to help and “make it aaaaaaaall better”.

Also, her ability to switch from a terrorizing toddler to a caring and helpful little girl, as soon as she realizes someone else is not okay, is amazing to witness – and every time it happens, I get confirmed that, despite her tantrums and crazy fits, she is pretty much emotionally on track. Such a relief.

During the week, I have daily been met with a “Good morning, are you better, mummy?” Today I could finally tell her, that I’m back to normal. That made her very happy…

Now, the above is just one tiny example of all the times where this little person over floats with care and emotions for other people.

After my parents left for Denmark, I was an emotional wreck and I could and would not hide from Abby, that I was very sad. Abby was also sad those days, but she assured me, that it would all be okay, and we would soon fly to mormor’s house on a big aeroplane.

She also gets very upset, when she can hear the neighbour boy cry, or any other child cry, for that matter. She wants to help them out, because “no-one is supposed to be sad”.

Today, Josh had a migraine. Abby went and found the thermometer all by herself and gave it to him, because that’s what you need, when you’re sick, right? “For your fever, daddy. It will make you better.”

The list could go on and on, but I think my point is clear by now; Abby is an awesome human being and I could not be any more proud of her for it.

Maybe it’s natural for children to have and show this amount of empathy. Maybe it’s the surrounding environment that ruins it on their journey towards grown-up-ness. If so – shame on the environment.
I know it is not a matter of course for grown-ups to have so much empathy, none-the-less to show it and put it into action like Abby does. I, for sure, don’t consider myself to be very good a showing empathy, but I do try my best to break down my emotional barriers, and even I, at the age of 33, is learning to be a better person these days. And Abby’s the best teacher I could get!

So yeah, we’ll worry about learning to count to 10 later. For the time being we focus on the important things around here. Such as showing empathy – and getting those 10.000 hours of tennis practice in the book.