“There’s a chance Lulu might be deaf”

…those were the words Josh told me on the phone yesterday. I was at uni, about to go into a seminar, and Josh had taken Lulu to the hospital to get her hearing tested. A test that we thought would simply be a matter of routine. Something more to check off. Been there done that. No issue. I expected to hear nothing but good news from that conversation. I was not prepared for the opposite.

All sorts of worst-case-scenarios invaded my mind in a milisecond. Followed by a bit of disbelief. My perfect baby. Surely she can’t be deaf. Or…

Then I put it all aside and went into my seminar. For two hours I engaged in discussions about the evil of the media society and laughed a bit about this week’s golden comment; “I know some of you in here haven’t tried to vote yet”.

In that moment the contrast to my life outside the class room was ridiculous.

As the seminar ended and I got on my bike to ride home my mind and body gave in. Tears started filling up my eyes and thoughts like “what if she never gets to hear music?” popped up in my head. I just wanted to go home. I just needed to be with my baby.

Ohh, the emotions when I finally got to cuddle her. I cried a little. And cuddled her even more. She was happy as always and it comforted me a bit. Even if she can’t hear us she definitely still enjoys life.

Then I started googling. Because I needed to know more. Just in case. I learned that 1 in 1000 babies has hearing problems. I learned that deaf babies can get cochlear implants and potentially learn to hear and speak. I also learned that it’s relatively normal that the hearing tests fails due to liquid in the babies ears from the birth or from a cold. Lulu has already had several colds and is currently getting over one. So maybe that’s just it. Liquid in her ears causing the test to fail. But we don’t know.

We have another test scheduled in two weeks. Until then we’re living with the hope that it was simply a faulty test – but the doubt is there too. Of course.

Should the next test give us another negative result we will manage and as Josh said:

“Well, then we just have to learn sign-language”

And luckily there are really good treatment possibilities should we have to cross that bridge later on. But for now we stay in limbo, enjoy our perfect baby and make some random loud noises around her once in a while in hope she reacts.



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