Dealing With the Big Bad Mommy Guilt

This past week has been a bit tuff around here. As I wrote in my last post I found out that I do have gestational diabetes and I have just been mentally and physically exhausted, to be honest. This lack of energetic surplus has made me feel like I’ve been a pretty shitty parent. I have been grumpy and my patience has not been able to cope with two small humans’ huge emotions and arguments. Ohh, the arguments(!) So, I must admit that the big bad mommy guilt has build up a bit when I’ve zoomed out and acknowledged that what I am doing is not what I actually wish to do – I just haven’t got the energy to deal with it, really.

That being said, I know that it’s time to adress the bad habits that are starting to build up. Because a lot of it is habit. An autopilot that kicks in when everything else shuts down and right now it doesn’t do me or the kids much good. Luckily I know from earlier episode like these that I relatively easy can adjust the autopilot settings if I remember to focus on it before it’s actually needed. If that makes any sense to others than me…?

If you have a little look at the books I ordered the other day it might clear things up a bit, since they are just a tiny bit reflective of my current mindset…….

Yeah, first step is to acknowledge you have a problem, right? Think I’ve gone a bit past the first step, then. Haha…ohh, dear. If only parenting was so easy as to read about it in a book. The thing is, at least it makes me feel like I do something to move in the right direction. That in itself has a pretty powerful effect on me – and often I do actually get some good insights or even some useable tools from these parenting themed books. Excited to find out if any of these are any good. Or if I will finally learn not to give a fuck, at least.

Well, well!

While I’ve been hitting myself in the head for not being a good enough parent we’ve actually been assured that our children are doing quite alright, nonetheless.

For instance, Abby’s kindy teacher told us that she believes Abby is a very intelligent child due to her way of problem solving, her creativity and her determination to learn letters and numbers. Also, which is what I find most positively surprising, she said that her language is very well developed for her age. This is something that has been worrying me a bit lately, actually. She still struggles with the pronounciation of some letters and mixes up words and such, and I have – of course(!) – compared her to other kids her age and found her language lagging. Now, her teacher tells me I am wrong. Very wrong. How awesome! She says that her vocabulary is quite developed and her sentence constructions are very mature. One proud and relieved mummy, right here.

Then later in the same week her swimming teacher told me that she is doing really well in her lessons – and that she’s really good at correcting her mistakes and working hard to become better. Now, I am not hoping for her to become an elite swimmer. Not at all, actually (do you know how early they – and their parents – have to get up every damn day to train?!). I do, however, hope that she will become recilient, strong and determined to reach her goals whatever they may be. That’s why it makes me happy. And again, proud!

It also gives me a bit of extra encouragement to keep on keeping on.

Because eventhough it all seems overwhelming at times and I feel like this mummy business might not be the right career path for me it reminds me that my children are doing pretty damn good so far – even if I am not a perfect parent 24/7 365. So maybe I should just take a chill pill and try to focus on the positives. I will. I am. Luckily there’s so much to focus on!

I mean, just look at them!

One thought on “Dealing With the Big Bad Mommy Guilt

  1. Tillykke med den dejlige ros til din(e) pige(r)! Flot at hendes sprog er så godt når hun er to-sproget. Bliv endelig ved med at snakke dansk til/med dem (det kan jeg høre i videoer at du gør). Det er super for hendes sprogcenter i hjernen at være to-sproget. Og jo bedre dansk – jo bedre engelsk. Og vise versa.
    En måde at vende tingene på kan også være at du og din mand hver aften fortæller hinanden en ting I har gjort i løbet af dagen hvor I bare var en rigtig god forælder. Nej os danskere er ikke gode til den slags. Janteloven. Og i starten vil det nok være lidt kunstigt at sige: idag var jeg bare en super god mor da jeg hjalp mine piger med at løse en konflikt de havde, da jeg sagde undskyld for at have vrisset af dem, da vi lavede aftensmad samme etc.
    Hvis I endda spørger lidt ind til hinandens historier sker der samtidig en refleksion over hvorfor den situation var så god og hvad der var godt. Så har man det lige klar i baghovedet til næste gang man står i en lignende situation. Det er meget bedre end at slå sig selv i hovedet med det man synes ikke har fungerer.
    Prøv det. Bare en uge. Og se om det gør en forskel.
    Hilsen en rimelig nybagt mor / semierfaren pædagog
    (Det virker også rigtig godt hvis man synes at børnene er lidt op ad bakke for tiden. Så fortæller man istedet bare om en god oplevelse man har haft med barnet/børnene)


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