Last week I almost forgot I was pregnant. How can you forget you are pregnant, you ask? Well, I did say ‘almost’ – and don’t you worry, I didn’t go out on the binge or went absolutely bananas and ate red meat and raw egg all week long. Hey, I could use a drink, but being the good pregnant lady I am I leave the alcoholic beverages for my dear partner in crime – he doesn’t seem to mind.
No, I have simply just had other things on my mind. Lately we have been pretty damn occupied with guests and birthdays and practical stuff and the tiny little life that is growing inside me hasn’t attracted much attention.
Then, yesterday I got hit by a massive “what if something is wrong?”-panic attack combined with a wave of parental guilt. I felt guilty towards the child that is not yet born, because I didn’t give it enough attention. Yeah. In retrospect, I do think that my unmanageable hormones play a vital role in this scenario, but the panic was real. So was the guilt.
Maaaaaaayn, growing a baby is a serious mental boot camp. Sometimes you forget you’re even signed up for it and other times it feels like you have joined the marines and all you wanna do is run up and ring that bell.
Hopefully everything is just fine with baby #3 – he/she seems to be growing just fine and according to my preggo app, which I actually checked for the first time in weeks today, I now have a human in spe the size of a navel orange inside me. Geez, I already have a bump now – at 15 weeks. That’s pretty early for me and I think that my brain subconsciously associates having a real bump with feeling movements. And since I have not yet felt any movements this time around it just seems like something is wrong. Even though I know it’s very, very normal not to feel any movements at all until 16-18 weeks in the third pregnancy.
So yeah, I am not looking forward to getting a huge bump to carry around – I can still sleep on my belly and I cherish every night I can, because I know it’s only a matter of time before that luxury is long gone for what seems to be forever.
But I am looking forward to feeling those little movements from the baby. Those little wiggles and kicks that are so reassuring – and later on also the cause of panic and worries if they change and all that jazz. Mental boot camp, for sure. Hahaha! We’ll worry about all that later. For now I am just very excited to feel our littlest one move around soon – then I promise I won’t forget about him/her ever again.